by Chan Walrus | Aug 19, 2024 | Whimsy
Butthurt is a very real problem in the world. When someone is miserable and confused and become unreasonably sad or offended by something, they may well suffer from being Butthurt. It manifests as a slight itch around the rectal cavity, and can reach the level of having a nuclear warhead going off in someone’s ass. This of course can go from a mild irritation to being rather alarming.
There is no soothing cream known to man that will remove someone’s Butthurt because it is purely a psychological manifestation of misery. Butthurt can be reduced in several ways which I shall catalogue for you later. But of course we have to properly analyse what Butthurt is first.
Butthurt is the pain and anguish felt in the butt by some people who are “big mad” about things, often which they cannot control.
When people post negatively online, they often reveal that they are either Butthurt or wish to become Butthurt about a specific topic.
Measuring the Intensity of Butthurt
How do you measure someone’s level of Butthurt? Butthurt is measured in Weh.
For every negative post about a topic, add one Weh.
Every time a person posts a threat or insult as part of the topic, add five Weh, this is inclusive of the original Weh.
Every time a person insults someone in a response, add 7 Weh. Inclusive of the response post. The additional Weh are indicative of someone’s state of deep antagonism, and their craving for more Butthurt.
Every time that insult includes a threat. Add five more Weh for each additional threat and three for each insult.
If a person responds in Butthurt, for every hour they take before the response add one Weh. Delayed response is indicative of the Butthurt growing within the individual, and usually is followed by a torrent of wrath and or premature ejaculation.
If their online avatar’s name contains something abusive or insulting, and/or a picture designed to cause offence or antagonize others, add 50 base Weh as a basic indicator of how originally Butthurt they were. If it’s part of an unchangeable name, this is serious so up that to 1000 standard Weh. This may seem drastic but this is someone who lives for Butthurt. They crave it so completely they’ve dedicated their entire online presence to obtaining it. This person is usually known as a rectal troglodyte.
If a person apologises to someone else sincerely, remove 20 Weh.
If a person has signed up to a social media platform specifically to troll, they naturally start off with 200 Weh, with 10 Weh additional for each month they have trolled. Not all people are Butthurt enough to troll constantly about one topic so this can be different from someone who has received such Brobdingnagian Butthurt that it has become their very life.
Rankings can determine the psychology of a person. I have ensured to include rankings from the military and naval forces to ensure accuracy. Note: Rear admiral is a higher rating because Butthurt happens in the rear, and it’s an integral part of the affliction.
Private Butthurt: 700 Weh.
Corporal Butthurt: 1,000 Weh.
Sergeant Butthurt: 1,500 Weh.
Lieutenant Butthurt: 2,300 Weh.
Captain Butthurt: 3,200 Weh.
Major Butthurt: 5,000 Weh.
General Butthurt: 9,000 Weh.
Admiral Butthurt: 16,000 Weh.
Butthurt Rear Admiral Butthurt: 23,000 Weh.
Butthurt Supremacist: 36,000 Weh.
School Shooter: 75,000 Weh.
Asshandling Butthurt Butt Bandito: 500,000 Weh.
Note: You may prang someone to increase their Butthurt. If you antagonise someone into insulting you, double their Weh from their Butthurt response. To forgive is to soothe, to Prang is divine.
Additionally: Conservatives are immune to Butthurt and anyone attempting to accuse a conservative of being Butthurt must have their Weh rating doubled. Claiming to be a conservative but not actually being one will slap you with 500 Weh. Conservatives don’t get Butthurt they just get tired.
Are you Liberal, angry and confused? There are three ways of reducing your Weh rating to acceptable levels.
1: Sherbet Lemonade can reduce your Weh and make you feel good about life. This is however only temporary and Sherbet Lemonade withdrawals can amp up your Weh. Use this technique only if you don’t have an addictive personality, as good Sherbet Lemonade is hard to find and withdrawals can lead to death.
2: Exercise regularly. For every mile you run, you will reduce your Weh by 1. You will feel better and be happier.
3: Close your Troll account and enjoy Real Life. This will temporarily reduce your Weh to 1 for the next three months, providing your account is not online raking in Weh. If you enjoy real life enough, your Weh rating will be completely removed. You will be reborn as a happier person.
The Medical Dangers of Butthurt
Butthurt is no laughing matter. Not only is it painful but it can lead to many medical conditions. Here are a few.
- Swollen Nipples
- Body Sores
- Drooling
- Inflammation of the Anus
- Inability to Close the Anal Sphincter
- Watching CNN
- Eating Pizza Rolls
- Addiction to and Cravings for more Butthurt
- Self Butthurt
- Self Loathing
- Cannibalism
- Death
The Addictive Properties of Butthurt
Some people develop a morbid fascination with becoming more Butthurt. These people actively seek out more things to hurt their aching buttocks. Be it politics, TV soaps, or an unfortunate cactus, the Butthurt must be felt intensely, and in greater stages. If you are suffering from Addiction to Butthurt, we recommend contacting Befrienders Worldwide. These are good people and will try and help you with your problems.
Mass Outbreaks and Buttmerging
Sometimes a group of people can be affected by a mass outbreak of Butthurt. If they are part of an echo chamber, this is at its most dangerous as they will wind each other up and become more and more Butthurt. The main problem with this is that Butthurt butts are drawn to each other and a large enough group may create what we like to call a Buttmerge.
The Buttmerge is when a group of Butthurt people become so antagonised that their butts are sucked towards each other and they become a seething wall of angry flesh. Towns, cities and even small countries have been destroyed by mass Butthurt outbreaks, when large groups of people have become part of a horrifying Buttmerge. There is little to be done to stop them flying out of their houses and through walls, cars and city blocks as their butts are drawn together magnetically. Keep a flamethrower on standby for such an occurrence.
Bivalve Prolapse
In rare cases, when the Butthurt reaches unfathomable degrees, the Butthurt individual may suffer a Bivalve Prolapse, where each buttock turns inside out and pulls the body through the anus into the lower intestine in an attempt to protect the individual from more Butthurt. The Bivalve Prolapse can be fatal, so if you feel your butt is starting to suck you into your own body, contact your nearest local mechanic immediately. They can help anchor your butt in place with wheel clamps and pull you to safety with tongs before you suffocate.
Rectal Fission
If experiencing Butthurt fills you with energy this could be a sign you are suffering from Rectal Fission. Rectal Fission is extremely dangerous as this means your ass may be becoming radioactive. You can acquire a Geiger counter relatively easily these days to measure the bequerel or curie that your Butthurt ass is giving off.
If you and a large group of friends need to be screened for a mass Butthurt outbreak and all are gaining energy from their Butthurt, a portal monitor needs to be employed. This is a machine used to screen large groups of people for radiation.
Caring for Someone Close to You With Butthurt
If a friend, colleague or family member is suffering with Butthurt, be it mild or agonising, there are some things you can do to help them.
- Get them off of Social Media
- Stop them watching CNN
- Remove all Newspapers
- Give them Science Fiction Books and Programs to Distract them.
- Tell them they are Butthurt and they need to get psychiatric help.
The most effective solution though is to prank them regularly giving them something real to be mad about that they can actually deal with. Steal their shoes, tape over their copies of The View, put their DVDs in alphabetical order but badly categorised. This will distract them from their Butthurt and give them something to do.
Keep them stocked up on Sherbet Lemonade during the recovery process. If they start to relapse or prolapse, call your nearest mechanic and keep them in the recovery position until the tongs arrive.
We hope this has helped you in learning more about the dangers of being Butthurt. Go outside, smell the flowers, enjoy the life you have. Feel the sun and rain on your skin. We only live once. There’s no point in becoming Butthurt, it’ll just turn you into an asshole
by Chan Walrus | Jun 16, 2024 | Blog
A red check next to a users profile – or avatar if you will, is a sign that the account is one that is of public interest. At the end I will explain how I verified my own identity in the hopes it will help new users. To acquire a Red check Verification on Truth Social, you need to match some of the following criteria:
Government/Politicians, Brands or Companies, Journalists, Athletes, People in the Entertainment World and more can acquire a Red verification Check on Truth Social.
As long as your account holds genuine public interest you can acquire one.
You can apply for yours through contacting Truth Social, though I got mine through support@truthsocial.com, the correct email is verify@truthsocial.com.
In order to get one, you need to be an active Truth Social account, one that is posted to regularly. You also need to complete your profile with. Profile name and image. It’s important to confirm your phone and email address as well.
You will need to prove your identity:
An official website that can be used to verify your identity is useful. You must provide a valid government issued identification such as a drivers license, passport or certificate of business ownership. Requests can be from an official email attached to your business, or from one that is displayed on your public profiles. A 6 month old post from your verified X account directing people to your account on Truth will also help.
How I got Verified:
I have worked as an indie film composer and actor for many years, have my own website and a small YouTube Channel on which I have a relatively small following (all great people!).
I contacted Truth Social support (though verify is better) and asked if I could have my account verified.
I added links to my Truth Social to my YouTube, Website, IMDB profile and send them my ID in the form of my passport and my learner drivers licence which for some reason hasn’t expired, my company’s incorporation certificate and information about myself. The back and forth took a few days but the team was very understanding.
I explained that I wanted Truth Social to be my main platform and that I had been removed from other platforms due to my vaccine injuries. Truth’s staff verified me and it means the world to me.
Truth Social accepts anyone for verification as along as they fulfill the required criteria. Even the Biden Harris HQ has a verification check, which does astound me considering it’s literally a misinformation monster for the enemy. But the platform is one of the fairest out there.
Ultimately, I’ve never felt so happy on social media as I have with the friends I’ve met on Truth Social.
If this is helpful to you, look me up at @chanwalrus.
Good luck and have a wonderful day!
by Chan Walrus | Feb 26, 2024 | Free Money
If you’re a content creator and you want absolutely 100% free advertising, Tangled is a great place to do it, you can sign up here: https://chanwalrus.tangled.com/join – By using the platform, every now and then you will be paid by the platform owners in a token called Millix which you can technically cash out – however its always better to reinvest! By signing up with my Ref-Link, I will also get a little chunk to spend on advertising, so I really appreciate it if you’re going to sign up! (As an added bonus, I’ll share another way you can make free millix later, you’re gonna love it!)
How Does it Work?
As a creator, when your posts are viewed, you are given a small amount of the Millix token, 1000. When people comment, you are given 5000 tokens. People can also tip you if they like what you’re saying, and you can technically earn a lot of tokens if you’re regularly posting on the platform. As an example, some of my posts, which aren’t even boosted have earned me over 200,000 tokens. Which gives me the ability to push out more content to people!)
You can share anything, your YouTube videos, your website links. Absolutely anything you like! To post, you’re going to need Millix tokens, which the platform will give you for free. So as long as you’re there, you’ll be able to post relatively regularly. Due to the way the platform works, the more you post quality content, the more you earn and the more you can post and earn. Whilst interacting with people costs you tokens, it also increases your ability to gain subscribers and earn cheaper advertising to your subscribers when you put out a post.
When you create a post, it will cost you 10,000 Millix, and you generally make around 500,000+ Millix on the platform every day just by being there. You can pay 5000 Millix extra per view as an advertising budget to get views from people who don’t know you, and when you have subscribers, it costs only 500 Millix per subscriber to get out a post to them, so once you have a following, just posting out to them will earn you millix. (Hence interacting with people and forming friendships is a great thing for you!) If you’re posting good content regularly, you can earn a LOT of free advertising, because you’re going to be tipped, commented and liked to high heaven. This budget you can use to put your next post out. As you gain subscribers and followers, your earning potential increases exponentially. It snowballs, and you end up with a massive amount of potential to get your content seen. Weather you are a Twitch streamer, a YouTube or Rumble Creator, or you just want to build a following. It’s a great place to do it.
At it’s base level, if you advertise out, you’re going to automatically recoup 20% of what you spend on advertising through views, minus the cost of the post. This doesn’t factor in the original cost. But I’ve noticed there’s never been a time when I haven’t got my original spend back when I don’t add a budget, and adding a budget is just another way to increase your reach. As I’ve said it’s free advertising, so why not?
Please consider signing up: https://chanwalrus.tangled.com/join
The Added Bonus
When you’re on Tangled, you can download their special browser that allows you to make a special Millix account. They will advertise to you with non intrusive header ads and pay you in millix which you can send to your account for more ad spend.
If you’re into Crypto, you can also transfer your Millix into bitcoin and send it to your crypto account, so you can just use your account to make money. I don’t care for this idea as the potential to get my content out far surpasses the gains I’d make in the cryptoverse.
